 for our GISHWHES team |
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Wanted: Superheroes of all shapes and sizes to take down giant rampaging tentacle monsters - See Hollow for details You are now among like-minded people who love avant-garde artistry, kindness, and have a strong dislike for normalcy. For the next couple of weeks, consider us all one family – albeit a highly dysfunctional family that has a weird fetish for kale and changing the world in unique ways. So remember to support your brothers and sisters, without forgetting that you’re going to whoop their butts in scavenging. Sign ups close in 2 Weeks!! Third rule when scavenging: wild boars are generally not amicable to warm oily “hoof-rubs.” When performing such an endeavor, ensure you are wearing the proper uniform and nipple guards. We are sorry to announce that for the safety of all participants, this year is going to have to be a “no kidney bean/no ice-cream sherbet” event. While we are loath to remove any ice-cream-related product from anyone’s diet for an entire week, our lawyers insist that this is a necessary precaution given the current state of the zodiac. As we cannot monitor all participants for the entirety of the hunt, we request that you spy on one another on our behalf in order to insure compliance. Please report any infractions to dietaryrestrictioninfractionsidentifiedandreportedasrequested@gishwhes.com. After much deliberation, we’ve decided that for this year’s Hunt, it will be permitted but only as long as it is “sketched in charcoal and presented with appropriate ceremony” prior to actually feeling it. Note that euphoria and joy are separate (though not dissimilar) feelings and that there are no restrictions on joy. Collaboration with any of the following is strongly encouraged: imaginary friends, your teammates and their respective imaginary friends, enthusiastic pets, and everyone may collaborate with Bob. But only the Bob I’m thinking of. Submission Secret Tip #5 – Make the judges laugh. We didn’t order all of these adult-diapers for nothing. Our Judges like granting points to people with a good sense of humor. One of them also enjoys creating sky-scraper models with coughed-up cat hairballs, but we digress. Imagine if your entire world existed inside of your cheek. Be sure to have a maid clean the place up a bit before I drop by. Advice - Be precise. Be creative. Be courageous. Be shameless. Be GISHWHES After much deliberation, we’ve decided that for this year’s Hunt, it will be permitted but only as long as it is “sketched in charcoal and presented with appropriate ceremony” prior to actually feeling it. Note that euphoria and joy are separate (though not dissimilar) feelings and that there are no restrictions on joy. This year, gishwhes is trying to clean up its image. Therefore, for the duration of the hunt, sideburns must be cut to no longer than 5 inches in length, all mustaches must be waxed with mustache wax and, of course, please keep the backs of your hands closely shaven and your right pinky fingernails painted blue. Also, the Executive Dental Undersecretary to the Surgeon General has advised us that during the hunt, participants floss thrice daily Who has been storing their pistachios in my clothes hamper? Commandment 7. Decency - This Hunt has no tolerance for either decency or self-respect. If you have either, leave them at the door. You will be reborn with a new sense of decency and respect we like to call, “Abnosomeness” (i.e. abnormally awesome.) Kale. That is all. |
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